From The Past: December 10, 2007

I don’t have an “empty nest” yet and won’t for some time, however, I still feel the pangs of what it must feel like sometimes.

From time to time, I get that empty feeling when I see commercials for new toys my kids will never play with or new cartoons they wouldn’t be interested in at this age.

Friday night, we found ourselves in Tuesday Morning. This is a great store full of odds and ends. It kind of reminds me of a Big Lots, only it has more expensive items.

We walked down the toy isle and I suddenly felt that pang of emptiness. It didn’t help that Ashley wasn’t with us. I tried to ignore this feeling as much as I could, but I wasn’t in the mood to buy anything.

Then, we attended an event where younger children sang a Christmas song. Every one of them looked beautiful. Some wore Christmassy sweaters and others were just dressed sweetly. The girls had bows in their hair and ruffles on their sleeves and the boys wore sweaters or little suits. There is nothing quite as enchanting as the sound a little voice makes when it sings. It was so sweet it made my heart ache because I don’t have one their age.

I know I have many good years left with Ashley still at home. The eleven years we have had thus far have been wonderful. I look forward to her growing up and experiencing new things, but at the same time I think back to those days when she could wear those ruffled dresses with a bow atop her head, when she loved her baby dolls, when she couldn’t get a shoe on so I had to help, when she was thrilled to get a pad of paper in her Christmas stocking, when I had to read the same book to her over and over; little things add up to a lot when you no longer have them.

I guess with Andrew leaving for the Marines, I have realized life is moving fast and moving on. I suppose I didn’t comprehend it because I was in the midst of it. One day he was here and the next he was gone. One day Ashley was dressing in frilly dresses and the next she was wearing more casual clothes with no bows in her hair.

I do appreciate what I have, please don’t think otherwise. Nevertheless, when everything you’ve been used to is gone or has changed, it’s a hard adjustment that’s all. I’m going through an adjustment.