From The Past: June 29, 2007

My mom has Acute Myelogenous Leukemia, otherwise referred to as AML. There is no “reason” why she has it. She didn’t catch it anywhere and she did nothing any different than anyone else. It’s the luck of the draw basically and it is very unfortunate.

I don’t talk much about my family and their medical conditions; I figure that’s a matter for them to discuss for themselves. However, my mom has been very open about her diabetes for many years. She has Type 1 diabetes.

A few days ago, they had to do a bone marrow biopsy which is very painful. Then yesterday she had a lumbar puncture. This is where they stick a needle in your back to draw out fluid in order to test it. She has also had three rounds of chemotherapy. She will have chemotherapy twice a day for six days. Her last round will be on the 4th of July.

In the mist of all this, she has had a CAT scan, and many chest x-rays. This morning her breathing was down in the 60’s which is very low. They are making her wear a mask which covers her nose and mouth and the last I heard, her oxygen levels were in the 90’s. That’s good at least, but her sugar levels have been high, normally running around 250.

They moved her to another room on a different wing. This is the wing where she should be anyway. Since they thought she had ovarian cancer when she was first admitted, they put her on this wing, but now she is on the wing devoted to Leukemia patients. So, if you emailed me and I gave you her room number or phone number, just know that that information has changed. Don’t worry if you have sent a card – they will get it to her. I have told everyone who emailed me that no cancer patients at her hospital can have flowers or (I found this out today) fresh fruit. She can’t even have fake flowers with moss at the bottom for decoration. So, if you are reading this and want to do something, you can send her a card. If you mail them to the house, dad will take them to her. He says if you want to do something, send her gift certificates for places to eat when she comes home, but you know what a joker he is! The nurses just love him 😉

*****

I find myself getting emotional when I begin to think about this too deeply. My thoughts run away with me and I go to dark places. I think about what a wonderful person she is and how she was already taking three shots a day which is more than what most people have to endure to begin with. She carries so much on her shoulders and does so much for everyone but herself. It isn’t fair that she was handed this and I don’t understand it. Why her?

I have to stay positive though and I have to keep her positive. That is my goal. I love her with all my heart and it’s not time for her to go. Period. If I don’t write about it much here, it’s not because I don’t care, it’s because I get depressed writing about it all and reliving what she went through on that particular day. Today was actually very good even though she had to wear the oxygen mask. She was sitting up in bed, she talked to us a lot and she even ate a little. She wasn’t nauseous from the chemotherapy. It was so nice being with her. I have felt bad every time I have to leave. I just want to be there with her all the time, but I know I have things I have to get done at home. Guido is here and we have to have dinner and so on.