For years, my husband denied he was an aggressive driver.
That changed one day when we were out for a ride with our three-year-old, Matthew. Seeing a teaching opportunity, I began quizzing Matthew about traffic lights.
“What does a red light mean?” I asked.
“Stop.”
“How about green?”
“Go.”
“And yellow?”
In his best impression of Daddy, Matthew bellowed, “Hang on!”
*****
While leading a tour of Kindergarten students through our hospital, I overheard a conversation between one little girl and an X-ray technician.
“Have you ever broken a bone?” he asked.
“Yes,” the girl replied.
“Did it hurt?”
“No.”
“Really? Which bone did you break?”
“My sister’s arm.”
*****
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.
*****
What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with… “A recipe.”
What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time…
A southern fairy tale begins “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this.”
*****
A Catholic man is struck by a bus on a busy street. He is lying near death on the sidewalk as a crowd gathers.
“A priest! Somebody, get me a priest!” the man gasps.
Minutes drag on and no one steps out of the crowd. A policeman checks the crowd and finally yells, “A PRIEST, PLEASE! Isn’t there a priest in this crowd to give this man his last rites?”
Finally, out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least 80 years of age.
“Mr. Policeman,” says the man, “I’m not a priest. I’m not even a Christian. But for 50 years now I’m living behind the Catholic Church on First Avenue, and every night I’m overhearing their services. I can recall a lot of it, and maybe I can be of some comfort to this poor man.”
The policeman agrees, and clears the crowd so the man can get through to where the injured man lay.
The old Jewish man kneels down, leans over the man and says in a solemn voice:
“B-4 I-19 N-38 G-54 O-72”