I had to share these two jokes from email:

Joke #1

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son, Bob, in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough! I’m sick of her and I’m sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Boston and tell her.” He then hangs up.

The son frantically calls his sister, who goes nuts upon hearing the news. She calls her father and yells, “You are not getting a divorce! Bob and I will be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a single thing, do you hear me”?

The father hangs up the phone, turns to his wife and says, “It worked! The kids are coming for a visit and they’re paying their own way!”

Joke #2

Three women – two younger and one senior citizen were sitting in a sauna when suddenly, there was a beeping sound. The young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped.

The others looked at her questioningly.

“That was my pager,” she said. “I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.”

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained.

“That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.”

The older woman felt very low tech, so as to not be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive.

She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end.

The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.

The older woman finally said, “Well, will you look at that! I’m getting a fax.”