From email:

One day, I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted, “Look at that dead bird!” Someone looked up at the sky and said, “where“?

***

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, “Does the sun rise in the north“? When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for some time, she shook her head and said, “Oh, I don’t keep up with that stuff.”

***

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day, I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, “The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.” He responded, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time“? Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, “Uh, Pacific.”

***

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but “didn’t think she’d get sunburned because the car was moving.”

***

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car. It’s designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

***

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10 percent. Since it was a big party, we bought two cases. The cashier multiplied two times 10 percent and gave us a 20 percent discount.

***

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, “Wouldn’t the chain rip out every time she turned her head“? I explained that a person’s nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.

***

I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry, because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. “Now,” she asked me, “has your plane arrived yet“?

***

While working at a pizza parlor, I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into four pieces or six. He thought about it for some time before responding. “Just cut it into four pieces. I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat six pieces.”

Yes, he walks among us too!