THE TOP 18 THINGS THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY by: Art Herman

18. Oh I just couldn’t, she’s only thirteen.

17. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

16. Duct tape won’t fix that.

15. We don’t keep firearms in this house.

14. You can’t feed that to the dog.

13. No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.

12. Wrestling is fake.

11. I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

10. Honey, we don’t need another dog.

9. I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

8. Trim the fat off that steak.

7. The tires on that truck are too big.

6. I’ve got it all on the flash drive.

5. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.

4. She’s too young to be wearing a bikini.

3. I need to check my e-mail.

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY…

1. Nope, no more for me. I’m driving