These ironic sentences were sent to me in an email. I had to pass them along because there is a lot of truth to them.

*I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

*Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

*The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

*Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

*Life is sexually transmitted, have you ever thought about that?

*An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

*If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, “Quit while you’re ahead?”

*Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

*The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

*Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.

*Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

*Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

*Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

*Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

*All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

*Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

*In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prosaic to make it normal.

*Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

*How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?