If you watch my YouTube videos, and I believe the majority if not all of the people who read here do, you will know that we had to put our beloved Pug, Guido, to sleep yesterday. For almost two years, he has had small seizures. Sometimes months would pass with no sign of a seizure and other times, he would have several in one night. They never lasted longer than a few seconds and afterwards he was always completely fine. He would actually look around like what just happened?
So yesterday morning at around 3:30 AM, Guido had his final seizure. He was breathing, but it was as if he was in a coma. Kevin wrapped him up in his favorite Powerpuff Girls blanket and he never moved. He never moved when Kevin laid him on the table in an exam room at the vets office. Other than his small chest moving up and down and his open eyes, there were no signs that Guido was with us. If there had been, he would have in the very least tried to pick his head up off the table.
It was absolutely heartbreaking; I rubbed his back and kissed the soft hair behind his little ear. I told him that he was my best friend and that I loved him very much.
I know in my heart that we made the right decision. I know that he was already gone. I know that for more than a year, he was completely deaf and almost totally blind. The way he walked let us know that he had arthritis. He was afraid to leave our yard because he couldn’t see and had no idea where he was being led. He used to love pumpkin, but when I offered it to him around the holidays, he acted like he didn’t know what it was. He had stopped wanting the treats after each time that he used the bathroom that he had been eating ever since he was a puppy. He had stopped eating his 8 o’clock snack that he had eaten his whole life. He still peed outside, but if we didn’t make him go outside, he would poop on the carpet, something that he would have never considered before.
Since he came to live with us as a puppy, he always slept in our bed. Kevin’s pillow was his favorite spot. I used to think it was so funny how Guido would take up 90% of the pillow and leave Kevin with something the size of a piece of paper. Then, about a year and a half ago, I believe when the arthritis set in, he couldn’t get comfortable on the pillow and had to start sleeping at the foot of our bed. Just a few months ago, he had a seizure in the middle of the night and fell out of bed onto the hardwood floor. It had to have hurt. It was traumatic for him and traumatic for us. We felt horrible that he had fallen out of bed and after that, he slept in his own bed on the floor. That is where he was when he had his last seizure.
The things that I have said above are the cold true and come from a very rational place. My heart, however, is very irrational. I have found myself thinking thoughts that make no sense at all, thinking things that I’m sure no sane person would think. I feel sorry for Kevin because I am a very vocal person and he has had to listen to me say no fewer than 100 times how very much I miss Guido.
I have tried listening to podcasts as well as watch TV shows to distract my mind. Neither of these seem to work. I find that I am thinking my own inner thoughts and I have missed more than half of what I had turned on.
What has helped to distract me is other people. Yesterday was my birthday, so Christina brought Gavin and Amelia over to give me cards that they had made. The kids played while Christina and I talked. Gavin read a book to Ashley. We had a nice time, but when they left, I was back to my thoughts of Guido.
Today, my dad stopped by and we talked and got caught up with the latest goings-on in each other’s lives. Once again, that was a good distraction and I’m glad that he came over.
It’s going to take time, I realize that. I never knew though, that losing a pet could be so absolutely shattering and life changing. I will say this and then try not to go on about this any longer because I know that there are people out there who have never had to deal with the death of a pet (like I hadn’t) and have no idea how terrible it is.
Guido was my best friend. I got him for Kevin because Kevin had always wanted a Pug, but because I was a stay-at-home mom, he bonded with me. He was the most loving, innocent little boy ever. He never tried to bite or nip at anyone. He never begged for food or made messes. He was great at playing hide-and seek and he loved me. He would follow me from room to room and it really made him mad when I would go upstairs because he couldn’t get up the stairs. He never minded the cat or the babies who would occasionally fall into his bed while he lay sleeping on the floor. He loved to lay in my lap while I did everything. All he ever wanted was to be where I was. He was one in a million.
Tami, I have thought about you all night and day,I found myself not being able to sleep last night with your little dog on my mind. I do know exactly how you feel , I have lost so many of my animals , one dog being 17 years old at the time. It is a pain you just cannot explain . I know nothing will make you feel better right now but time but I am praying for you my friend . We may not have ever met face to face but I feel as if I know you and your family and when I saw you all hurting it hurt me too. I pray God comforts you Tami as only he can. Sending you a big hug . 😭💔🙏
Thank you so much. I very much appreciate your prayers. I need them.
Animals are such a big part of me. I am going to school to be a Veterinarian, and have seen and faced many pet deaths. It is hard and it never gets easier. But you have to remember all those we love never leave us. They become part of us. Guido will always be a part of you because of the strength of love. Who knows what kind of life he would have had if he lived off with another family. You gave him the best life. He knew you loved him, and you did everything for him. He lived such a long and beautiful life. The only thing you can do is try to distract yourself. It hurts so bad, but soon all the good times will weigh above the pain you feel. Sending my whole heart, Dunn family <3
Thank you so much. I agree with you. I am trying to keep my mind busy.
I wish I could give you a hug right now, Tami! I am giving you all my love and prayers. I know Guido is looking down on you and watching over you. When you wrote the signs of Guido’s aging, it sounds almost identical what happened to my Cobi. I absolutely have no doubt you did the right thing for Guido. My family and I had to make the same decision for Cobi. But it is so apparent that you gave you whole heart to Guido and he gave his whole heart to you. He will forever be in your heart and forever watch over you as your angel. Blessed to have you as a friend, and am sending you all my love during this difficult time. Love, sarah ❤️
I am so sorry that you went through this same thing with Cobi. Animals are so innocent and they just want to be loved. It doesn’t seem right that they don’t live longer.
I’m so sorry Tami. It is not easy to get through the death of a Beloved pet. It will be hard for a long time but as time passes, you will start to focus on the happy times you had with Guido and before too long, you’ll be smiling from the memories ❤️
Nancy
Thank you, Nancy.
Dear, sweet Tami, I am so very sorry for your loss. Losing a beloved pet is a pain that only can be fully understood by another who has experienced the same dreadful loss. In 2015, we had to say goodbye to our precious cat of 15 years, Madeleine. My husband, a retired Philadelphia police officer (we have lived in south central PA now for the past 20 years) who now works for the DOD, cried harder than I did after she passed. Our tears actually made puddles on the floor in the room at the vet’s. We were with her to the very end. I am telling you this very personal story not for sympathy for myself, but to let you know that you are not alone in your grief.
After our son came home on leave that Christmas ( he is a Lieutenant in the Navy), he insisted that we adopt another cat. I was not remotely interested in another cat. No cat could replace Madeleine. We had had her cremated and placed in a small wooden memorial box (“Our Beloved Madeleine “), and I found myself constantly being near her. Anyway, I reluctantly went along to the shelter with my husband and our son. We went into the cat room, where my husband and son immediately went over to the cats. I sat on the bench in the room, holding back my tears. I didn’t want to be there, Tami. My heart was broken. All of a sudden, this 4 month old Tuxedo cat was in my lap with his head against my chest. Unthinkingly, when entering the room, I had given him a pat while he sat on a cat condo near the door. It’s like he could sense my pain. Well, you can imagine that “Nestor” came home with us that night. He chose ME.
I know that one can NEVER replace a lost pet, but the love I receive from Nestor has helped heal me. I pray that, in time, you will experience the same beautiful healing. Tami, you and Kevin are the sweetest couple on YouTube. You always make my day! God bless and keep you both!
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. It does help to know that you have recovered from the loss of Madeline. I think it’s wonderful, that although you didn’t go searching, Nestor found you. Thank you.
RIP little man xxxxx